Saying goodbye to our memories, our past and our promises
Yesterday, I've finally braved up myself and asked my ex on this question; "Are you seeing anyone now? Is she Amanda?"
This question has been in my mind ever since we broke up in more than a year ago. Amanda is this 'good friend' of him who he has been caring alot even when we were together. He has never admitted that he has a crush on her or anything. But for what I felt was, they both care about each other, it's just that they are both attached, out of responsibility, they called themselves 'good friends'.
Not long ago, probably 3 to 4 months back, I heard the news that Amanda had broke up with her bf. Somehow, my intuition is telling me, that's it. That's the time when he will appear by her side, and he will finally move on and fall in love. I know this is absolutely fine, we are both single, he's a nice guy, he does deserve to be loved.
I really appreciate his honesty. He said, "yes, we've been hanging out a lot, but nothing is going on yet"; "Are we still friends, hmm.. I'm sorry". Don't know why, it felt like a sharp knife to me. Although I know this will happen eventually, it's still hard for me to listen to this kinda confession. An officially goodbye to all the strings between us. An official moving on.
I took a long night to 'mourn' for our relationship; cried as much as i can when I recall the memories of us, from the beginning till the end. After an emotional night, I finally understand what's my emotion is about, it's not that I'm still not over him, but it's more to I'm saying goodbye to our memories, our past and our promises. Time to keep them into a different zone in my brain. A zone to keep them as beautiful memory with a guy who i used to love.
I replied to him, "sure, we are still friends, there's no need to say sorry to me, you've done nothing wrong". "We both know we will move on eventually, it's just who will move on first, and the other person would probably be sad for the one last time and move on too". And the latter, is me.
I have to thank this friend of mine, who brought me out for a movie on this terrible night. We didn't have any deep talk on this, although he knows what happened and he knows i was feeling emotional. Thank you for accompanying and letting me know, it's time to be good, be strong again.
I can do it. And from deep down of my heart, I wish both of us to be happy with our own lives, best wishes to my ex, a great guy who I used to loved.
